Back when Limp Bizkit was socially relevant (translation: 1999) there was a splendid little ditty called “Nookie” which, if you’re a man, currently between 25 and 50, should ring a bell.

Should? Yup, it definitely should, because it outlines the driving force of the human species. That would be the urge to procreate, and spread thy seed.

What have you done for the nookie? This being a male enhancement blog, we’re concerned with giving guys the opportunity to go forth and get sex. And thanks to those feisty gentlemen at for putting together a list of some of the things we go through, endure, and generally grit our teeth and deal with to score some quality play time with the leading ladies in our lives:

Own a Small Dog: Ok, so we’re dog lovers here and are generally cool with canines of all forms. The thing is, a Chihuahua’s not a dog. If it’s smaller than your right bicep it’s more of a rat. Let your girlfriend have her Yorkie…give us a Rottweiler any day. Heck, give us a Basset Hound.

Take a Dance Class: White men can’t jump and whatever passes for dancing among men is little more than our attempt to dry hump her thighs and enter holy land. Girls dance. We know why we’re on the dance floor.

Watch Any Film With Sandra Bullock (Other Than Speed): This one’s new to us. Rumor has it that it’s common practice in the porn industry for male performers to watch Sandra Bullock movies. The slow, torturous I’d-rather-listen-to-fingernails-on-a-chalkboard effect has dampening properties on the male libido and prevents porn actors from premature ejaculation. Interesting. But Speed’s OK.

Meet Her Parents: The pinnacle of the things we deal with to score playtime with said female, meeting her parents is that routine in which father reminisces all the terrible things he did as a young punk and imagines you doing the same to his little girl. Um…awkward…

Hey, we do what we gotta do right? Some things will never change. So buck up, take one for the team and celebrate the quality mating rituals that are bound to follow. For the full list, check out