Want proof that a healthy sized penis and the jump to back it up can take you far in life? Look no further than the Oval Office.

Have you ever wondered if the First Lady has reason to smile? Or if being the Big Honcho that runs the country comes with “executive benefits” that get cashed in the maid’s closet? Does the Secret Service have to fight off Presidential Groupies?

Hey man, this is the President we’re talking about. All of the above! A healthy sex drive can do wonders for a man’s confidence and take him to high places, like the White House. Hurrah for sex!

Now that we’ve established that sex and the Presidency go together like Rocky and Bullwinkle, take a guess which President had the most jump in his trousers.

Lincoln
The Case for:

  • abolished slavery
  • they named a bedroom for him in the White House
  • intelligent
  • used to be a lawyer
  • humble

The Case Against:

  • used to be a lawyer
  • humble
  • looks like Abraham Lincoln

Is he the horniest President?: An honorable man who led a country and did some pretty amazing things. We love that they named a bedroom after him. But horniest President? Doubtful.

Nixon
The Case for:

  • confident
  • appealing in a 1970′s Republican sort of way
  • spoofed on the Simpsons

The Case Against:

  • that whole Watergate thing

Is he the horniest President?: We don’t want to upset any Nixon devotees. Apparently they’re still around somewhere. But saying Nixon was the horniest President is like taking the Ferrari out of Magnum PI…IT AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN.

Clinton
The Case For:

  • Monica Lewinsky
  • reasonably progressive
  • played the saxophone on Leno
  • a wife who would become Secretary of State (and perhaps President)

The Case Against:

  • his impeachment trial
  • a wife who would become Secretary of State (and perhaps President)

Is Clinton the horniest President?: With a little VigRX Plus, he’d be up there. But he’s not taking VigRX Plus (as far as we know!), so while he’s shown us that a middle-aged politician can get ladies half his age, he hasn’t shown us that he’s the king.

Barack Obama
The Case For:

  • reasonably good-looking
  • good basketball player
  • first President of color
  • progressive

The Case Against:

  • Hey man, this guy’s still in office…you tryin’ to get us shut down??

Ok we’ve had our fun, and don’t want to risk ticking off any fans of Presidents we’ve yet to mention. For the official list of the horniest Presidents in the history of the United States, go here:
http://blogs.houstonpress.com/hairballs/2011/04/the_five_horniest_presidents_a.php

You didn’t actually think anyone would displace JFK, did you??